Onward

"Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work."
-Gustave Flaubert

I've never read any of his writings. I will sometime. I did come across this quote by him and find it pretty inspirational. There's something to be said about it. I look at it for help and confidence. I shouldn't be so encompassed with my music. I should look for other things, secure an order in my chaotic and unstructured life - then come back to my creative pursuits with a violent, caustic, and original rage.

Today was the first day of a new job in a new city.

I've begun working, as a host, at a Pan-Asian restaurant called Ping-Pongs. It seems pretty
alright. I'm going to try and be enthusiastic. I'm not sure about a few things, however. I have to memorize the entire menu in 7 days. That seems to be a bit difficult on my part. I have such a pathetic memory these days. A tired useless thing it is. A symbolic statement that shares a triumph in some sort of a full on repression. I hope I can manage to remember these things. Everyone seems really nice. Which is a plus. Seems like a fairly close knit group of workers?

I hope I can stick with this one. I'm not sure what my inability was before this job. I hope I will be making enough money to support and enjoy myself (on occasion). I wish I could get back on my feet and not by rent for a while or something. Ah, well. Can't go back and hang out with any sort of parents for a bit for that sort of thing. Never could do that.

I've got some good music in the works. This intense ambient track of sorts. Along with a more 8-bit/ chiptune type track - its becoming intense as well - I'm pretty excited about it. Some other bits and pieces that will soon come together. I've noticed that the span of time that tracks are being produced has slowed significantly. I'm putting more and more time into them. Its an unknown increase that I've realized recently. So its not so unknown now. I've been playing around with a new program: "Abelton Live". Which I've been meaning to do for like a year now. I was far to lazy to try and download or pirate or whatever. Its been really fun. Learning is always fun. I hope to implement it more. It doesn't run so hot on my computer - which I have foreseen for the time I have been thinking of nabbing the program.

I've recently sent my music to a label Nueva Forma. I got a response back from one of their principals. I was introduced to the label via a random connection. I met a freshly graduate film student, Johnny Le. He was outside this clothing store on Belmont promoting for Adidas in this swanky old blue VW bus. He invited me to see "Dj Mix Master Mike" of the Beasty Boys. (Which I did check out the following day). He showed me this really solid music video he directed for a hip-hop group titled KeroOne. Which was a surprisingly familiar name. When I listened to them I had recognized them.
He hooked me up with a link to the label in Portland, Oregon. It was such a wild coincidence, really. Too wild. Especially the fact that they focus on producing the genre and style that I produce under. I'm still waiting to receive another message from NF. I'm hoping sometime soon - the message stated they were currently swamped by really dug my sound. Also that they would get back to me later in the week- which was 12 days ago. I then received an email (which i had read before this) from one of their artists stating that one of their people were going to get back to me soon. Which is great that there was seemingly a good take and interest - a sort of talk going on. Good things to come..? I don't get my hopes up too much. I'd rather keep things at a distance until it sets in. Then I don't have to be as disappointed I suppose.


- I've been trying making a conscious effort to capitalize my I's when I type.

- Anyone can be a good speller with Mozilla.

- I hate dust. It's all over this damn room. Weird feathers of sorts from this damn down comforter. I don't know how they are all on this desk.


I hate wood floors, too. We have wood floors in the new apartment. They're nice and all. I just find them so fucking loud. That's a bit rough to deal with when you're the night owl of the bunch. Its convenient for spills, I suppose. I'd rather have carpet, really. I'm not sure what the big hard-on for wood floors is. Sure, you can sweep. Or..you could vacuum? Which is a more mechanical and "futuristic" way of sweeping.
Either or, the place is great though. We're in a great part of town. The Wrigleyville area. We're like a block away from the Addison red-line stop. Its been really nice. Its been exciting. Inspiring. There's something about being surrounded by giant buildings that makes you feel like you should be able to erect similar things in that magnitude - however, in whatever creative medium, task, job, etc, you partake - metaphorically. I've been trying to find inspiration in the things I've been reading and studying. In the fantastic things I've read about other people. The accomplishments. I want to do that. I just want to feel something. I spent a long time down at the lake yesterday thinking and reflecting.

Naturally, one needs to be surrounded be a body of water, sailboats, sky, and a breeze to reflect. It was nice. I've been carrying a memo book around with me to jot down ideas, thoughts, etc. I have a lot of them these days. I had a weird feeling when I was walking back from the lake front. I noticed the crescent Moon that hung in the deep dark, blue sky framed by two tall buildings. It was an interesting site. It just hung low, right between them, centered almost perfectly. Like someone tacked up a nail and hung it up crookedly there. I thought about how those buildings didn't even compare to the size of the Moon. Yet, its distant self hung there in between two, towering, human structures. Its as if we had placed it up there in the sky ourselves. I felt like someone might feel unjustly cocky about that. We might as well be a single celled organism compared to the rest of the universe. Yet, we do great things and manage to reach even that huge space, physically or with our little satellites. We probe existence. It makes me wonder why a lot of other things are so hard. When in comparison it shouldn't even be much of anything. Ah well. I thought about how everything around us is a product of mental creativity. We bask in creationism everyday. We are creating everyday. We create our dreams, our fears, our lives. Everything around us is a product of design. Maybe not our own - but someone elses. You might not even know who it is. Who sketched out the design for the next sleek new microwave or dishwasher. Even trivial things such as those appliances. Rambling..


I need to succeed this time. Some time.